Less Than. . . .Not Pretty/Handsome Enough

 General, Less Than, Minor Rant  No Responses »
Sep 202022
 

When I was a little girl people would always say something to me along the lines of, “Sweetie, you have such a great mind and personality.” And even at that tender age I knew that it translated to, “You better study hard, kiddo, cause you ain’t gonna make it on your looks.” Especially when the other little girls were getting cooed over and told how pretty they were. I NEVER heard that pretty word. It was usually how smart I was for my age. Oh, I was smart, for sure, and I got the meaning right quick: UGLEE!!!!

So if you feel less than because of your face, let’s delve into that a bit. My first question would be. . . .

BY WHOSE STANDARDS?

Pretty or handsome a few hundred years ago was different than it was in the ancient world and it’s different now than it was even 10-20 years ago. So if someone makes a disparaging remark about your looks, whose standard are they using? I mean, if we’re all being judged by the standard of Kim Kardashian. . .sultry and T&A (enhanced). . . or Taylor Swift. . .  tall, skinny & blonde. . . many of us are NOT gonna measure up.

EVERYONE HAS A PERSONAL PREFERENCE

One of the hottest men out there right now is Jason Momoa. Know what I think about Jason? Yeah, but basically MEH. He just doesn’t do anything for me. I never conformed to the masses when it came to male and/or female beauty. I was always the class clown so my criteria in a friend was someone who could make me laugh my rather sizeable ass off. And beauty DOES fade. There better be something in that brain if you’re gonna last for a long, long time. I just had my 50th wedding anniversary and Ray and I can still talk about anything and everything. And neither one of us looks like we did on that day oh so long ago. So bear in mind that everyone prefers one look over another and there’s not much you can do about it.

WHY DO YOU CARE?

Why does someone’s opinion of you matter so much? Especially those that you don’t know. Many of you know that I’ve been posting a lot of pics of me lately in my ongoing attempt to accept myself once and for all. I get some pretty rude comments. I simply delete and block. Up to a few years ago, I would have cried for days and never posted another pic. Why? I was never looking for a career ruled by looks as in being a model or an airline stewardess/steward or anything else where your face/body is part of your resume. Never had an urge to try my luck in Hollywood or on any other stage. So why does it matter what I look like?

In my case, it was my mother constantly telling me I was fat and ugly. It colored everything. But as I age into the last part of my life. . . why does it matter? I know I’m not ugly. Fat, yeah, well. . . but I’m okay. And okay is. . . well, OKAY!!!!

Anything anyone says about you is simply their opinion. You DO you know about opinions, don’t you? (Sorry/not sorry for being gross here.) “Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one.”

THE ORIGINAL YOU IS BETTER THAN A COPY OF ANYONE

There are so many wannabe movie stars, models, rappers, influencers, you name it in this world. Do we need one more? HELL NO!!!! Do we need YOU, your authentic self? HELL YES!!!! Why be a second rate copy of someone else when you, yourself and YOU are the best thing going? Are those people everyone is trying to emulate good looking? Yes, they are. Are they smart? Well, some are, I’m sure. Are any of them attempting to save the world? Again, maybe some are, but all I seem to read about is their newest car, home, expensive wardrobe, trip overseas, mega-expensive beauty treatment, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam. ME ME ME!!!! That’s their battle cry. It’s not mine and I hope it’s not yours either.

The world needs YOU and ME to be exactly who we are, our BEST self. We’re the ones who are going to make a difference. And it doesn’t matter what our face looks like in the mirror. Do your best on that face. If you want to wear makeup, wear it. If you don’t, don’t. Take the best care of it you can. And then go out and show ’em your stuff!!!!

 

17 to 70. . . hair is gray and lots more wrinkles, but. . . it’s ME!!!!

 

There’s Always A Choice

 General, Good Advice  No Responses »
Sep 152022
 

There is a wildly popular podcast out there by Bailey Sarian. It’s called “Murder, Mystery & Makeup.” Basically, Bailey puts on her stunning makeup while she tells the story of a spectacular murder case. She always signs off with “MAKE GOOD CHOICES.” It’s good advice but, many times, not so easy to do. Choices can be tough. What is a choice? Basically, it means you have to make a decision. UGH But it also means you aren’t stuck. If there’s a choice, there’s an alternative. You get to choose.

Choices

Here’s an example of a choice.  What you wear and how you wear it is creating an optical illusion about how you look. So. . . I’m short and dumpy. NOT downing myself. It’s just true. I have very short legs and a long body. Due to over 30 abdominal surgeries, I also have this jihugic gut I love to call Jabba, as in Jabba the Gut. 😎 Some call it a FUPA. I just call it Jabba. This thing is very hard to hide, so I had to make the CHOICE to either (1) wear long baggy stuff to hide Jabba or (2) say the hell with it and make a choice that makes my legs look more balanced with the rest of me. Choice No. 1 hides him, but it also makes me look frumpy & dumpy. It’s too much fabric for me. I’m barely 5′ tall on a good day. So I choose Option No. 2, which is to wear shorter tops to make my legs look longer. Does that mean Jabba really shows out on occasion? Sure does! I get many private messages when I post pics telling me how I can hide my gut. Yep, I know all that. But I made a choice. I’m happy with it.

How Do You Choose?

That’s personal. But. . . you have to weigh what’s most important to you against what you think you SHOULD do. Do you know how much I hate that word SHOULD? I have lived my life doing what I was told to do or what I SHOULD do or what others think is the way I SHOULD go. ME was always discounted. I always thought I was an independent woman, but I listened to others way too much. And it hurt. Why? Because I went against what I knew was best for me. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you know you better than anyone else. So. . . how do you choose?

I’m big on lists. So I lay down what I THINK I should do on one side of the page and then what I WANT to do on the other. And then I attempt to balance the two. The difference now vs. then is that I put more weight on what I WANT to do these days.

But What If I Make The Wrong Choice?

I make wrong choices all the time. But you know what? In most cases they aren’t permanent. In the above example, if I decide that short top looks horrid on me and I no longer want to wear it, it goes in a donation bag and I get a longer shirt. No biggie. It’s like a goal. You can always modify and choose again. Even something as semi-permanent as moving because you don’t like where you are. When your lease is up, pack up and go. Sell that house if you made a buying mistake. You always have a choice. If it’s wrong, change it. If it’s not exactly wrong but you’re not happy, modify it.

And In The End

When I was a younger lass I selected an option and ran with it. Not a good one? I would change it or modify it. No problem. Now in my older years I’m the undisputed Queen 👑 of Overthinking. I have to run through every possible consequence that will come from any choice I finally make. It drives me nuts. So. . . I’m back to trying to be like the younger me. Make a choice and run with it. Because. . .

You basically have two choices. You either do it or you don’t. Make good choices.

I heard this song quite by accident and. . . it fits!!!! Or should I have chosen another one? 😉

Less Than. . . . Too Fat/Too Thin

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Sep 132022
 

Have you noticed yet that no one is ever happy? And those not-so-happy folks seem hell bent on making the rest of us miserable? If you’re perceived as too fat, you get things like, “Push yourself away from the table, Miss Piggy.” If you’re too thin, you get, “Eat a cheeseburger, girlie, before you blow away!” These are mild. I’ve been the recipient of much more hate than this, but I’m trying to be explicative without being mean.

TOO FAT

I’ve always been fat. I was a fat baby, a fatter kid, a fat tween and in high school I starved myself to comply with someone else’s judgment of how I should look. I got very sick. Didn’t matter. I LOOKED GOOD!!!! Of course, the weight came back on in a nanosecond with my first (diet) meal. Society and the ad industry has everyone conditioned to thinness. Obesity or even being a little chonky is determined to be a character flaw. Yes, many CAN lose weight. But if they don’t want to, why should they have to? If they can’t due to medical or metabolic reasons, they beat themselves up unmercifully until they end up on psych drugs that can often make the problem worse. Everything you see is designed to make you look slimmer, thinner, look like this asshat or that one. It’s taken me almost 70 years to ditch this mindset.

HEALTH

Let’s talk health and I’m sandwiching it in here for a reason. If you want to lose weight, go for it. If you don’t, go for that. If you NEED to lose weight for health reasons, go for it. I am not a member of the body positive or fat acceptance movements. I’m a member of the Be-The-Best-You-Can-Be Club. Yes, there are many conditions where a little less weight will help you conquer. Then take some off. If you are too thin and need a few pounds to be able to fight off your own problems or be stronger, then do your best. Your health should be your first consideration. If you knew how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I have Stage 4 cancer, but at least I’m finally thin.” Honey, if you have Stage 4 cancer, being thin should be the least of your worries.

TOO THIN

Granted, I have little to no experience with this, only through friends. I had a girlfriend through elementary school who could eat us all under the table and she was stick skinny. Her entire family was stick skinny. She was GENETICALLY thin. Yet she was teased right along with me, the fatty. She was called Boney Maroney, skeleton, broomstick and any other thin reference you can fathom. It never bothered her until we all started growing boobs & butts and she didn’t. THEN it bothered her. So what did she do? She ate more. Didn’t help. Now the insults hit home. She eventually DID develop, but not until her late teens, again, just like the rest of the women in her family. I have an adult friend who is 5’9″ tall and weighs 124. She is in her 50s now. She’s weighed 124 her entire adult life. She eats. Oh boy, does she eat. She wants curves. She wants to gain maybe 10-15 pounds. She’s tried everything. Doesn’t seem to be in the cards and, if you’re that thin by your 50s, there’s a good chance you’re not gonna gain much weight, if any.

STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE’S SIZE

Nobody should be making fun of anyone because of their size, too much size or lack of size. It’s none of your damn business, number one. Number two, are you perfect? I’ve been around a long time and I can tell you that the perfect person doesn’t exist. And please don’t say Kim Kardashian. If you had her money and her surgeons you could look like that, too. And if you think that ass is natural, well. . . .as the song says. . . I’ve got some oceanfront property in Arizona for you.

SO JUST STOP IT!!!! I feel that one of the basic problems in our current world is a lack of kindness, not a lack or overabundance of size. People are people. I’m me and you’re you. Yeah, there are still times I wish I looked different. But basically, I’m adjusting to ME and learning to love her. I know you have your moments, too. It’s because of what’s wafted in our face every day. Social Media has made it worse, in my not so humble opinion. Lots of time and ways to look at what you aren’t, can’t have, etc. The problem is that 90% of that isn’t real.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! Just the way you are. Let no one convince you differently.

I use this song a lot because it’s become my theme song. “For we are glorious!”

Less Than. . . . Too Short, Too Tall

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Sep 062022
 

Has your height made you feel “less than” others? I describe myself as a Hobbit. I’m barely 5′ tall and somewhat wide, built low to the ground like a small Sherman Tank. LOL I have a couple of girlfriends who are well over 6′ tall. Women are supposed to be right in the middle, remember? Except if you’re a Supermodel. But since few of us are, not everyone is kind about a very tall girl.

In all honesty, us short stacks have it better than a very tall girl who is gawked at like some kind of abnormal phenomenon. The average height for a woman in the U.S.A. in 2022 is 5’4″ tall. In fact, that’s the average height for a woman worldwide.

Men have it worse if they’re short. Men are supposed to be manly (tall) men, right? So what’s short? For a guy, I’d say under 5’7″. If a man is taller, it’s not so bad. If he is shorter, it’s plenty bad. I know many short men who get picked on unmercifully. And just for your edification, the average height for a man in the U.S.A. in 2022 is 5’9″ tall. Seems a bit on the short side, but there’s society telling us we’re not okay again. As my Brit friends would say. . . Bollocks!

It’s all so unfair because you can’t do much about the height that’s programmed into you. Oh sure, men can put inserts in your shoes. It’s common practice in Hollywood. Does that make it harder to walk? I honestly don’t know. Women have been wearing heels for centuries. But if you’re like me and your days of hoochie heels are long over, there are still a few things you can do. Now let me state right here that I don’t know how tall girls look shorter. If anyone wants to clue me in, please leave me a comment. Or do you even bother? As mentioned before, I have friends who are quite tall. Some of them love it. Some not so much. So if you have tips for the taller gals, please leave a comment.

Four Tips For Short Girls Who Want To Look Taller

(1) If you can, wear heels.

(2) If you can’t wear heels, find a nice pair of flat or wedge shoes with as pointed a toe as you can manage in a color that matches your skin tone as closely as possible. This will extend the look of your legs. I didn’t believe this when I first heard it, but it works! Doesn’t matter what your skin tone is. Just match it as closely as possible.

(3) Get a shoe with a diagonal strap. A horizontal strap will cut you off and make you look shorter. The diagonal strap gives you a more graceful line that will extend your legs just a smidge. I wear sneaks all the time. Super comfy. Love my big white ones, but. . . they cut me off at the ankle. I have skinny ankles for my size so doesn’t bother me. If you have thicker legs, you’ll have to try different styles to see what you can do. A classic pump is good for everyone. . . but, of course, if you need sneaks that’s not gonna do. 😉

(4) If you have short legs, usually your height is in your torso. So. . . if you want to look taller, avoid long, baggy tunic tops. It will make you look dumpy. Instead, cut your tops off as close to your waist as you are comfortable with. Yes, crop tops come into play here. The short-on-top effect will make your legs look longer and, therefore, you will look taller.

I can hear you now. . . but what if my stomach sticks out? That short top is not gonna look good! You have to make a choice. If you have what is sometimes lovingly (or not) called a FUPA or a big tummy, you can cover the gut or you can make your legs look longer. It took me ages upon ages to get over this. Now I do the short top all the time despite Jabba the Gut making his appearance known. After 30-odd abdominal surgeries, there is no way of hiding that thing. So I don’t. And I’m no longer ashamed of it either.  It takes time to get there.

This is what this Hobbit does to look a little bit taller, but I am NEVER gonna look tall by any stretch of the imagination. I do these things to just make a teensy bit of difference, especially being married to a man who is 14″ taller than me. 😎 If your height doesn’t bother you at all, then simply wear what you love without resorting to tips, tricks and hacks. I suppose I’ll get there sooner or later. I am a lot closer than I used to be.

Now for those tall girl tips. If you have anything that you feel helps you look more “average” than sky high, please leave me a comment.

BOTTOM LINE: You are enough. You always were. You are right now. You always will be.

Oldie But Goodie For All My Beautiful Tall Gals With Those LEGS!!!!