Less Than. . . .Not Pretty/Handsome Enough

 General, Less Than, Minor Rant  No Responses »
Sep 202022
 

When I was a little girl people would always say something to me along the lines of, “Sweetie, you have such a great mind and personality.” And even at that tender age I knew that it translated to, “You better study hard, kiddo, cause you ain’t gonna make it on your looks.” Especially when the other little girls were getting cooed over and told how pretty they were. I NEVER heard that pretty word. It was usually how smart I was for my age. Oh, I was smart, for sure, and I got the meaning right quick: UGLEE!!!!

So if you feel less than because of your face, let’s delve into that a bit. My first question would be. . . .

BY WHOSE STANDARDS?

Pretty or handsome a few hundred years ago was different than it was in the ancient world and it’s different now than it was even 10-20 years ago. So if someone makes a disparaging remark about your looks, whose standard are they using? I mean, if we’re all being judged by the standard of Kim Kardashian. . .sultry and T&A (enhanced). . . or Taylor Swift. . .  tall, skinny & blonde. . . many of us are NOT gonna measure up.

EVERYONE HAS A PERSONAL PREFERENCE

One of the hottest men out there right now is Jason Momoa. Know what I think about Jason? Yeah, but basically MEH. He just doesn’t do anything for me. I never conformed to the masses when it came to male and/or female beauty. I was always the class clown so my criteria in a friend was someone who could make me laugh my rather sizeable ass off. And beauty DOES fade. There better be something in that brain if you’re gonna last for a long, long time. I just had my 50th wedding anniversary and Ray and I can still talk about anything and everything. And neither one of us looks like we did on that day oh so long ago. So bear in mind that everyone prefers one look over another and there’s not much you can do about it.

WHY DO YOU CARE?

Why does someone’s opinion of you matter so much? Especially those that you don’t know. Many of you know that I’ve been posting a lot of pics of me lately in my ongoing attempt to accept myself once and for all. I get some pretty rude comments. I simply delete and block. Up to a few years ago, I would have cried for days and never posted another pic. Why? I was never looking for a career ruled by looks as in being a model or an airline stewardess/steward or anything else where your face/body is part of your resume. Never had an urge to try my luck in Hollywood or on any other stage. So why does it matter what I look like?

In my case, it was my mother constantly telling me I was fat and ugly. It colored everything. But as I age into the last part of my life. . . why does it matter? I know I’m not ugly. Fat, yeah, well. . . but I’m okay. And okay is. . . well, OKAY!!!!

Anything anyone says about you is simply their opinion. You DO you know about opinions, don’t you? (Sorry/not sorry for being gross here.) “Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one.”

THE ORIGINAL YOU IS BETTER THAN A COPY OF ANYONE

There are so many wannabe movie stars, models, rappers, influencers, you name it in this world. Do we need one more? HELL NO!!!! Do we need YOU, your authentic self? HELL YES!!!! Why be a second rate copy of someone else when you, yourself and YOU are the best thing going? Are those people everyone is trying to emulate good looking? Yes, they are. Are they smart? Well, some are, I’m sure. Are any of them attempting to save the world? Again, maybe some are, but all I seem to read about is their newest car, home, expensive wardrobe, trip overseas, mega-expensive beauty treatment, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam. ME ME ME!!!! That’s their battle cry. It’s not mine and I hope it’s not yours either.

The world needs YOU and ME to be exactly who we are, our BEST self. We’re the ones who are going to make a difference. And it doesn’t matter what our face looks like in the mirror. Do your best on that face. If you want to wear makeup, wear it. If you don’t, don’t. Take the best care of it you can. And then go out and show ’em your stuff!!!!

 

17 to 70. . . hair is gray and lots more wrinkles, but. . . it’s ME!!!!

 

Less Than. . . . Too Fat/Too Thin

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Sep 132022
 

Have you noticed yet that no one is ever happy? And those not-so-happy folks seem hell bent on making the rest of us miserable? If you’re perceived as too fat, you get things like, “Push yourself away from the table, Miss Piggy.” If you’re too thin, you get, “Eat a cheeseburger, girlie, before you blow away!” These are mild. I’ve been the recipient of much more hate than this, but I’m trying to be explicative without being mean.

TOO FAT

I’ve always been fat. I was a fat baby, a fatter kid, a fat tween and in high school I starved myself to comply with someone else’s judgment of how I should look. I got very sick. Didn’t matter. I LOOKED GOOD!!!! Of course, the weight came back on in a nanosecond with my first (diet) meal. Society and the ad industry has everyone conditioned to thinness. Obesity or even being a little chonky is determined to be a character flaw. Yes, many CAN lose weight. But if they don’t want to, why should they have to? If they can’t due to medical or metabolic reasons, they beat themselves up unmercifully until they end up on psych drugs that can often make the problem worse. Everything you see is designed to make you look slimmer, thinner, look like this asshat or that one. It’s taken me almost 70 years to ditch this mindset.

HEALTH

Let’s talk health and I’m sandwiching it in here for a reason. If you want to lose weight, go for it. If you don’t, go for that. If you NEED to lose weight for health reasons, go for it. I am not a member of the body positive or fat acceptance movements. I’m a member of the Be-The-Best-You-Can-Be Club. Yes, there are many conditions where a little less weight will help you conquer. Then take some off. If you are too thin and need a few pounds to be able to fight off your own problems or be stronger, then do your best. Your health should be your first consideration. If you knew how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I have Stage 4 cancer, but at least I’m finally thin.” Honey, if you have Stage 4 cancer, being thin should be the least of your worries.

TOO THIN

Granted, I have little to no experience with this, only through friends. I had a girlfriend through elementary school who could eat us all under the table and she was stick skinny. Her entire family was stick skinny. She was GENETICALLY thin. Yet she was teased right along with me, the fatty. She was called Boney Maroney, skeleton, broomstick and any other thin reference you can fathom. It never bothered her until we all started growing boobs & butts and she didn’t. THEN it bothered her. So what did she do? She ate more. Didn’t help. Now the insults hit home. She eventually DID develop, but not until her late teens, again, just like the rest of the women in her family. I have an adult friend who is 5’9″ tall and weighs 124. She is in her 50s now. She’s weighed 124 her entire adult life. She eats. Oh boy, does she eat. She wants curves. She wants to gain maybe 10-15 pounds. She’s tried everything. Doesn’t seem to be in the cards and, if you’re that thin by your 50s, there’s a good chance you’re not gonna gain much weight, if any.

STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE’S SIZE

Nobody should be making fun of anyone because of their size, too much size or lack of size. It’s none of your damn business, number one. Number two, are you perfect? I’ve been around a long time and I can tell you that the perfect person doesn’t exist. And please don’t say Kim Kardashian. If you had her money and her surgeons you could look like that, too. And if you think that ass is natural, well. . . .as the song says. . . I’ve got some oceanfront property in Arizona for you.

SO JUST STOP IT!!!! I feel that one of the basic problems in our current world is a lack of kindness, not a lack or overabundance of size. People are people. I’m me and you’re you. Yeah, there are still times I wish I looked different. But basically, I’m adjusting to ME and learning to love her. I know you have your moments, too. It’s because of what’s wafted in our face every day. Social Media has made it worse, in my not so humble opinion. Lots of time and ways to look at what you aren’t, can’t have, etc. The problem is that 90% of that isn’t real.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! Just the way you are. Let no one convince you differently.

I use this song a lot because it’s become my theme song. “For we are glorious!”

Less Than. . . . Too Short, Too Tall

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Sep 062022
 

Has your height made you feel “less than” others? I describe myself as a Hobbit. I’m barely 5′ tall and somewhat wide, built low to the ground like a small Sherman Tank. LOL I have a couple of girlfriends who are well over 6′ tall. Women are supposed to be right in the middle, remember? Except if you’re a Supermodel. But since few of us are, not everyone is kind about a very tall girl.

In all honesty, us short stacks have it better than a very tall girl who is gawked at like some kind of abnormal phenomenon. The average height for a woman in the U.S.A. in 2022 is 5’4″ tall. In fact, that’s the average height for a woman worldwide.

Men have it worse if they’re short. Men are supposed to be manly (tall) men, right? So what’s short? For a guy, I’d say under 5’7″. If a man is taller, it’s not so bad. If he is shorter, it’s plenty bad. I know many short men who get picked on unmercifully. And just for your edification, the average height for a man in the U.S.A. in 2022 is 5’9″ tall. Seems a bit on the short side, but there’s society telling us we’re not okay again. As my Brit friends would say. . . Bollocks!

It’s all so unfair because you can’t do much about the height that’s programmed into you. Oh sure, men can put inserts in your shoes. It’s common practice in Hollywood. Does that make it harder to walk? I honestly don’t know. Women have been wearing heels for centuries. But if you’re like me and your days of hoochie heels are long over, there are still a few things you can do. Now let me state right here that I don’t know how tall girls look shorter. If anyone wants to clue me in, please leave me a comment. Or do you even bother? As mentioned before, I have friends who are quite tall. Some of them love it. Some not so much. So if you have tips for the taller gals, please leave a comment.

Four Tips For Short Girls Who Want To Look Taller

(1) If you can, wear heels.

(2) If you can’t wear heels, find a nice pair of flat or wedge shoes with as pointed a toe as you can manage in a color that matches your skin tone as closely as possible. This will extend the look of your legs. I didn’t believe this when I first heard it, but it works! Doesn’t matter what your skin tone is. Just match it as closely as possible.

(3) Get a shoe with a diagonal strap. A horizontal strap will cut you off and make you look shorter. The diagonal strap gives you a more graceful line that will extend your legs just a smidge. I wear sneaks all the time. Super comfy. Love my big white ones, but. . . they cut me off at the ankle. I have skinny ankles for my size so doesn’t bother me. If you have thicker legs, you’ll have to try different styles to see what you can do. A classic pump is good for everyone. . . but, of course, if you need sneaks that’s not gonna do. 😉

(4) If you have short legs, usually your height is in your torso. So. . . if you want to look taller, avoid long, baggy tunic tops. It will make you look dumpy. Instead, cut your tops off as close to your waist as you are comfortable with. Yes, crop tops come into play here. The short-on-top effect will make your legs look longer and, therefore, you will look taller.

I can hear you now. . . but what if my stomach sticks out? That short top is not gonna look good! You have to make a choice. If you have what is sometimes lovingly (or not) called a FUPA or a big tummy, you can cover the gut or you can make your legs look longer. It took me ages upon ages to get over this. Now I do the short top all the time despite Jabba the Gut making his appearance known. After 30-odd abdominal surgeries, there is no way of hiding that thing. So I don’t. And I’m no longer ashamed of it either.  It takes time to get there.

This is what this Hobbit does to look a little bit taller, but I am NEVER gonna look tall by any stretch of the imagination. I do these things to just make a teensy bit of difference, especially being married to a man who is 14″ taller than me. 😎 If your height doesn’t bother you at all, then simply wear what you love without resorting to tips, tricks and hacks. I suppose I’ll get there sooner or later. I am a lot closer than I used to be.

Now for those tall girl tips. If you have anything that you feel helps you look more “average” than sky high, please leave me a comment.

BOTTOM LINE: You are enough. You always were. You are right now. You always will be.

Oldie But Goodie For All My Beautiful Tall Gals With Those LEGS!!!!

Less Than. . . . Fear Of Photographs

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 292022
 

Do you feel like you don’t measure up because you take a lousy photo? Don’t laugh. It’s a real thing. In my case, my mother used to chase me out of the pics because she said I ruined them. So I got very wary every time I saw a camera and ran like hell. I mean, hey, I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s pics with my ugly face, right? I missed out on a lot.

It’s not just me. Do you know how on FB groups they call for photos or selfies? If you open the stream, there will invariably be a handful of people who just say something and never post a pic. And then you see pics of people you recognize, but don’t know. Why? They snagged that pic from somewhere else. Because this problem is near and dear to my heart, I started really thinking about it and I came up with three things I think play heavily into this phobia of avoiding the camera. If you have other reasons to be camera-shy, please leave me a comment, K?

You Feel You Don’t Measure Up

Don’t measure up to who or what? What society thinks is acceptable, in most cases. And maybe it’s not society. Maybe it’s you. In our now-visual world we look at pics of the “beautiful people” day after day after day. Surely, I don’t look like that? Well, you’re probably right. The majority of us don’t. But day after day of photoshopped pics, figures improved with surgeries and professional makeup have given us a big inferiority complex. So no pics. Surely nobody wants to look at me, right?

You Have A Vision In Your Head Of What You Look Like And It’s Not What You See On Camera

They say the camera doesn’t lie. Yeah, in a way, but I kinda sorta disagree. The camera will show you every line and wrinkle, every strange expression and. . . oh yeah, don’t forget those 10 extra pounds. But unless you allow it, it can’t capture your personality. It’s a cold hard thing in someone’s (hopefully) capable hands. This is why GOOD professional photographers can command their price. They know how to work their instrument to bring out your personal best. It’s a gift. But if your friend wants pics on her smartphone and you run, you need to re-evaluate the situation. And guess what? You may have a vision in your head of what you look like, but that vision may be wrong! People say they view the world through rose-colored glasses. But for many, we view who we see in the mirror with 💩-colored glasses.

You Don’t Want A *Bad* Pic Of You Out There In Cyberspace So You Don’t Take Any

Do you remember that big brouhaha where Khloe Kardashian had a world-class meltdown over a pic of herself someone released without the photoshop treatment? I thought it was a beautiful, natural pic. She went off. Big time. Take this as a prime example of what you see is not exactly what you get. In Khloe’s case, she didn’t want this one pic marring her brand. It didn’t look like the rest of her super glamorous (and photoshopped) pics. Today’s world is 95% illusion. But people don’t see that. All they see is beautiful people. And since we know we can’t get a decent pic that meets our exhausting specs, we simply don’t take any.

Some Ways To Help

(1 ) Start with group pics. If you have to, at first, hide parts of you behind someone else. If you don’t mind your head, but feel your body isn’t right, then duck behind someone and stick your beautiful head up. Eventually start adding a little bit more of you in the pics until you can get your whole body in there. If this takes a year, two years, whatever, so be it. But you WILL do it.

(2) Use your phone and practice selfies. Do it alone. If you hate every single pic, nobody has to know. DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. Ain’t digital photography grand? My husband will take 50-100 shots of me modeling clothes and then watch me delete every damned one as I say, “Let’s do it again.” I need to be able to post a pic that I don’t find objectionable and won’t make me click out of my newsfeed when I see it. So if you take a gazillion pics to get ONE, hey, you’ve got ONE. I remember talking to a professional photographer who told me she took at least 500 shots to get maybe 5 or 10 she thought useable.

(3) Wear the clothes and makeup that make you feel your best. If you’re all gussied up in the bridesmaid’s dress you wore for your cousin’s wedding and you hate it, it will show in the pics. If you’re at your best in a tee shirt and jeans, put those on. Make it your FAVORITE tee and your most COMFY pair of jeans. No sense adding more stress to an already stressful situation. And then shoot away! If you don’t want anyone around, set up a tripod with your phone on it, set the framing you need/want and then work the hell out of that 10-second timer as you become your own photographer.

(4) Put some music on. If you like relaxation music or what I think You Tube lists as “study music,” use that. If you like heavy metal, put on some Anthrax or Metallica. If you like country, you have lots and lots of choices. Me? I have a Credence Clearwater playlist on Spotify. I put the music on the iPad and shoot with the iPhone. And even though this method guarantees me some fun as I dance around like a loon, it doesn’t guarantee I’ll like the pics. But it does guarantee that camera will get less scary if I have fun with it.

And In The End

Photographs. The bane of my existence for over 50 years. The bane of many in our visual world who feel they don’t measure up. Let me tell you something. YOU DO MEASURE UP!!!! You are you and you are enough. You look like YOU. Nobody else does. So why are you making the world miss out on your specialness? You don’t have to. And remember. . . digital photography. You can delete every pic you hate, even if the numbers are astronomical. 😎

One last thought. Someday, all your loved ones may have are photographs. Make sure there are at least a few for them to smile over. 💕

Less Than. . . . Social Media Jealousy

 General, Less Than  2 Responses »
Aug 222022
 

Social Media. It’s sure changed our lives. I’ve been around a long time and this is like a juggernaut no one can stop or even kick into slow gear. I mean, hey, I was married by the time that first Atari ping-pong ball flew over the net. I remember what it was like before. Maybe not as good in many ways, but maybe better in others. And I know some of you don’t even remember a time before you had a phone in your hand. That’s okay, too, but you have to learn that a lot of it may or may not be real.

Does Jealousy Rear Its Ugly Head?

Are you jealous of everyone and everything you see on Social Media? Do all those great stories of happy families, beautiful clothes, new boats and new homes you see day after day in your news feed make you feel like you’re not worthy? You’re eating a PB&J sandwich for lunch as you see a friend at a restaurant eating something you love but can’t afford. Do you think everyone gets everything EXCEPT YOU? This is a really destructive mindset. Destructive for YOU. Trust me when I say the posters don’t care.

The Age of Fakers

People fake things all the time. You know that anyone can take or snag a pic and post anything they want. Look at the influencers on FB and Instagram. Can we spell P-H-O-T-S-H-O-P, boys and girls? I’m sure there are other programs out there, too, to make them look what society thinks of as perfect. Now if you know people personally, you may be able to figure out what’s real and what’s not. But if it’s someone you’ve admired or just friended on FB, Twitter or other Social Media or you’re fangirling someone on the Gram. . . well, you’re not sure what to think. And if it’s always lollipops and roses day after day, it can make you feel depressed since it’s not happening that way for you. Sure, the hottie and everything about them looks good. In fact, it looks damn fine. Just remember, you can stand in a garage and that don’t make you a car!!!!

Example.  I can get a dupe of a designer outfit for maybe $59 on Amazon, take a drive and stand in front of someone’s million-dollar home, snap some pics and then photoshop my body into what the world wants to see. Does that make it real? NO. HELL NO!!!! But when you come across that shot on my Instagram, you think it’s real and you feel bad cause it ain’t you. Meanwhile, that person collects her/his money for the shots and goes back to that small apartment eating PB&J. You’ve been taken, my friend.

Are You Focused on Money and Things?

If you’re focused on money and things it’s easier to get discouraged when you don’t have one or both. And I DO understand that with today’s current prices it’s easy to be fixated on money. You need it. And you need more of it to live today than you did last year. This is one of my personal demons. I wage war with it daily. And, yes, everything IS about looks in our superficial society. But not all of them look that way or have that much money or that many things. (See Example Above)

So What Do You Do To Get Unjealous?

Different strokes for different folks. I would say the best solution is to limit your time on social media. I know, I know. Much easier said than done. But still. . . it’s the easiest and cheapest solution. And if there is an account that makes you feel particularly bad, delete it, block it, do whatever you have to do to avoid looking at it. You don’t need to feel that sadness and jealousy. It won’t do you any good.

Try getting a handle on yourself. Narrow it down. Do you know why you’re jealous? I mean, REALLY why. In my case, it’s because I know I can never look like some of these folks even with a body transplant. Things don’t mean all that much to me. But if they do to you, you may have some serious work to do on yourself. God forbid you drop on the street tomorrow, all the nice things in the world won’t help. I am NOT judging you. I like nice things as much as the next guy, but I can do without them.

Try to appreciate what you already have. I know for some of you that’s not much, but see what you can do here. Something like, “Oh, that bed in that shot is GORGEOUS, but my own bed is super comfy and snuggles me every night.” If this doesn’t work and you NEED new furniture, maybe pick up a side gig or a second job and start a savings account just for the new furnishings. Just working towards this goal will make you feel better. This works for that extreme cut & color you saw on Ms. Fancy Pants, too. Some of the hair I’ve seen would cost me $500+ to get here and this is NOT a fancy area.

The bottom line here is. . . know that social media is NOT real 95% of the time. It’s a fantasy land even better than Disney’s as Disney’s is fixed in place. This one has infinite variety and possibilities. Folks who have always wanted to be someone now CAN. Or think they can. (Again, see above Example)

BOTTOM LINE: LOVE YOURSELF!!!! Not everybody else and the car they’re standing in front of. Guess what? It may not be theirs.

 

Take a few minutes to listen to this episode of “True Crime Recaps.”
See where unrequited extreme jealousy can lead.

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