This one is hard for me as I met my husband almost 54 years ago and we’ve been married for 50 years the end of this month. I never planned for that, actually. I fully intended to be an old spinster with a long gray braid down my back in a shack on the beach. Didn’t happen that way. But if you feel less than because you haven’t found that perfect person or you found him/her several times and are single once more, read on.
History
The world teaches that we need to be paired up. Why? It seems like it’s always been that way. I think in the old days it was more for procreation than anything else. You were expected to find a mate and create the next generation. History is replete with famous couples. Tristan and Isolde. Edward III and Philippa of Hainault. (Can you tell who’s the history buff here? LOL) Moving to modern day. . . Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And the list goes on. You’d actually be surprised at how many people have been marriedĀ 50 years or more. Is it nice? Sure. Is it necessary? No.
Since the quote, unquote “sexual revolution” of the 1960s, things have been steadily changing. Women started coming into their own. They were getting better educations and better jobs. And with all that bra burning came the notion that maybe they didn’t need a man like they thought they did. Women got hit with the realization that they could be okay on their own. Same goes for same sex attractions. Many folks who are wired that way thought they were destined to be alone forever. Not in today’s world.
But I’m Lonely
I know. The need for human companionship is universal. Friends are nice. We all need them. Family gatherings can be nice. (Depends on your family LOL) But there seems to be a yearning for that one person that we can bare it all with. I’m talking your soul here, not your butt. I would venture a guess to say 98% of us have a soulmate-sized hole they are trying to fill.
I Failed; I’m Broken
I have many, many friends who are divorced. Hey, let’s be honest here. Shit happens. It happens a lot. And I don’t expect anybody to stay in an abusive relationship. In my not so humble opinion, once a relationship gets to that point your best bet is to get the hell out. If you did get out of this type of relationship you definitely have not failed. You may be broken, but you succeeded in saving yourself and, in many cases, your children. And I DO believe feelings change over time. Some folks just don’t feel the way they did when they made those vows oh so long ago.
Let’s be real here. Not everybody gets the right person on the first try. . . or the second, the third or. . . I met my husband young. I married him 4 years later. We’ve stayed together a long, long time, but was it easy? HELL NO! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I know a few folks on fourth marriages who are finally happy. I say big congrats!!!!
You most likely didn’t fail and you’re certainly not broken if you’re alone. You’re just being cautious. Or maybe this works better for you.
So What Do I Do?
If you are single, I think the answer to that question is the mission statement of this blog, to become the best YOU you can right now! Make yourself happy. No, it won’t take the place of a significant other. It won’t automatically make you deleriously happy. But I feel it will do you good. And if Prince Charming DOES come along, you’ll be better able to recognize that fact and roll with it. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’re damned and determined to find a mate, then work at it. Make lots of friendships. Get involved in a church if that’s your bent. Go to social events in your area. Ask your friends if they have any recommendations for you, like, “Hey, I know the perfect SO for you!!!!”
I’m hesitant to recommend online dating services as they have a lot of problems and inherent dangers. And I say this knowing probably at least 20 couples who met through these sites and have been deleriously happy for years. I’ll just say be careful.
And if you want to stay alone, pull a Nike and JUSST DO IT!!!! There’s nothing wrong with being your own household. Many people aren’t comfortable with themselves only, but many are. If you are one of those, don’t be pressured by society or parents into thinking you have to have a mate. You don’t. The choice should be up to YOU. If you want that soulmate, go find them. If you don’t, no problem.
BOTTOM LINE
You are not less than because you’re single. Stop waiting. If you want to buy a house and have the wherewithal to do it, GO BUY IT. Alone. Yes, you can. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself to that movie you want to see or go with friends. If you want to take a vacation, go alone or go with a friend. Just be careful. Whatever you can do with a mate you can do without one. Just stop waiting. You are fine just the way you are.
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! (And if that means you are enough ALONE, so be it!!!! š)