We all feel like failures every now and then. Some of us more than others. But why? We obviously don’t fail at everything we do, even if it’s something like cooking breakfast for ourselves and enjoying it. Win, right? Not necessarily. I’m going to give you some insight into my own failure feelings right here.
I Don’t Set Goals
Why? Because I have never achieved a damn one of them when I’ve finalized it by putting it on paper or computer screen. The minute I do this, I might as well toss the damn thing. I have no idea why. I’ll work towards it. I’ll really REALLY want it. But then I blow it. Self-sabotage? Maybe. Not giving myself enough time? Maybe. There could be a lot of reasons but now? I’m so petrified of setting a goal and failing once again that I won’t even try setting a new goal. This makes me feel like a failure.
I Give Up Too Easily On Too Many Things
I am a very dedicated person. . . in my head. But in practice? Different story. If something is hard for me, like working out, I’ll find a million and one ways not to do it for a very valid reason. I’m currently on an exercise program (dance & stationary bike) that I kinda sorta stick to, but it’s a first. I don’t think I’ve ever made it past 30 days on anything else in my life. I’ve had over 30 surgeries in my life and I’ve gotten sensitized to pain. If something hurts, that’s it. I stop. I could push through a lot of it, but I don’t. This makes me feel like a failure.
I Get Overwhelmed Too Easily
There are simply too many choices in today’s world. I want to go back to the vanilla, chocolate or strawberry days. I could handle that. But things today come at me too fast and too much. My head literally starts to spin. No, it’s not like “The Exorcist,” but it sure feels that at times. I could handle so much more in my younger days. Why can’t I now? Surely aging can’t take this away from you? Well, maybe a little. But my brain just stops and yells TILT if there are too many things to consider and handle. I should be able to do it. So why can’t I? This makes me feel like a failure.
It’s How I See Me
When I voice these things I often hear, “Hey Carla, that’s not you. You’re one of the most together people I know.” REALLY? Doesn’t look like that from where I sit. I wish I could see what you see. Most of the time, though. . . all I see is a failure.
Workin’ On It
I’m working on this. I’m trying to give myself more time and a little more space. More grace maybe. I had to be super woman for so many years that I think I’m judging myself by an outdated standard. I’m just learning about self-care at this advanced age. I’m learning that I’m worth it. I still don’t feel worth it many days. But I know I am. I just have to convince myself not to lose that feeling.
Your Turn
What makes you feel like a failure? Maybe we can share things and help each other out. I may be good at something you’re not and vice versa.
