Less Than. . . .No Soulmate

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 182022
 

This one is hard for me as I met my husband almost 54 years ago and we’ve been married for 50 years the end of this month. I never planned for that, actually. I fully intended to be an old spinster with a long gray braid down my back in a shack on the beach. Didn’t happen that way. But if you feel less than because you haven’t found that perfect person or you found him/her several times and are single once more, read on.

History

The world teaches that we need to be paired up. Why? It seems like it’s always been that way. I think in the old days it was more for procreation than anything else. You were expected to find a mate and create the next generation. History is replete with famous couples. Tristan and Isolde. Edward III and Philippa of Hainault. (Can you tell who’s the history buff here? LOL) Moving to modern day. . . Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And the list goes on. You’d actually be surprised at how many people have been married  50 years or more. Is it nice? Sure. Is it necessary? No.

Since the quote, unquote “sexual revolution” of the 1960s, things have been steadily changing. Women started coming into their own. They were getting better educations and better jobs. And with all that bra burning came the notion that maybe they didn’t need a man like they thought they did. Women got hit with the realization that they could be okay on their own. Same goes for same sex attractions. Many folks who are wired that way thought they were destined to be alone forever. Not in today’s world.

But I’m Lonely

I know. The need for human companionship is universal. Friends are nice. We all need them. Family gatherings can be nice. (Depends on your family LOL) But there seems to be a yearning for that one person that we can bare it all with. I’m talking your soul here, not your butt. I would venture a guess to say 98% of us have a soulmate-sized hole they are trying to fill.

I Failed; I’m Broken

I have many, many friends who are divorced. Hey, let’s be honest here. Shit happens. It happens a lot. And I don’t expect anybody to stay in an abusive relationship. In my not so humble opinion, once a relationship gets to that point your best bet is to get the hell out. If you did get out of this type of relationship you definitely have not failed. You may be broken, but you succeeded in saving yourself and, in many cases, your children. And I DO believe feelings change over time. Some folks just don’t feel the way they did when they made those vows oh so long ago.

Let’s be real here. Not everybody gets the right person on the first try. . . or the second, the third or. . . I met my husband young. I married him 4 years later. We’ve stayed together a long, long time, but was it easy? HELL NO! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I know a few folks on fourth marriages who are finally happy. I say big congrats!!!!

You most likely didn’t fail and you’re certainly not broken if you’re alone. You’re just being cautious. Or maybe this works better for you.

So What Do I Do?

If you are single, I think the answer to that question is the mission statement of this blog, to become the best YOU you can right now! Make yourself happy. No, it won’t take the place of a significant other. It won’t automatically make you deleriously happy. But I feel it will do you good. And if Prince Charming DOES come along, you’ll be better able to recognize that fact and roll with it. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

If you’re damned and determined to find a mate, then work at it. Make lots of friendships. Get involved in a church if that’s your bent. Go to social events in your area. Ask your friends if they have any recommendations for you, like, “Hey, I know the perfect SO for you!!!!”

I’m hesitant to recommend online dating services as they have a lot of problems and inherent dangers. And I say this knowing probably at least 20 couples who met through these sites and have been deleriously happy for years. I’ll just say be careful.

And if you want to stay alone, pull a Nike and JUSST DO IT!!!! There’s nothing wrong with being your own household. Many people aren’t comfortable with themselves only, but many are. If you are one of those, don’t be pressured by society or parents into thinking you have to have a mate. You don’t. The choice should be up to YOU. If you want that soulmate, go find them. If you don’t, no problem.

BOTTOM LINE

You are not less than because you’re single. Stop waiting. If you want to buy a house and have the wherewithal to do it, GO BUY IT. Alone. Yes, you can. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself to that movie you want to see or go with friends. If you want to take a vacation, go alone or go with a friend. Just be careful. Whatever you can do with a mate you can do without one. Just stop waiting. You are fine just the way you are.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! (And if that means you are enough ALONE, so be it!!!! 💚)

Less Than. . . . Education

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 152022
 

Years ago, I had a friend who was a plumber. She had had trouble getting a job and her plumbers’ local thought it would be fun to take on a girl. She found she was good at it. Worked her way through licensing and up the chain of command. Her family laughed at her, too. She was the only non-college grad in her family. She just didn’t think college was for her and she said she was sick of school at that point. So she went with plumbing.

That Was Then, This Is Now

Today she’s making $75-$100/hour plus. She still feels inferior. Why? Her family is still berating her for no degree. They don’t mention that a few of her degreed sibs are working in fast food and retail because they can’t find a job in their field. They point out at every chance they get that she has NO DEGREE, even when they’re asking her to loan them money for this, that and the other thing.

Lots of Degrees Out Of Work

I’ve read study after study about the thousands of degreed individuals who can’t find a job in our current economy. Even lawyers. People have either become much less litigious or there is simply a glut of lawyers out there. And becoming an attorney requires extra years of school. It’s not easy.

And even if you don’t choose the legal route, many these days find they can’t do anything with a Liberal Arts or English degree. And then take something like (my old fave) Archaeology. It’s very selective and there aren’t a lot of jobs.

So Why Not A Trade?

Right now, trades are where the money is. If you can take being a plumber or an electrician or carpenter and have a knack for it. . . why not? It’s damn good money. If you’re young, the locals all have training programs. These are good, union jobs, too. I know kids who barely passed high school, but are cleaning up because they had a knack for a trade and weren’t afraid to go for it.

A Ph.D. Does Not A Smart Peson Make

I used to work for a university, the very one where I got my own schooling. We used to sign the professors on their letters. . . B.S., M.S., Ph.D. We used to say it stood for Bullshit, More Shit, Piled High and Deep. Now there were many brilliant people with those initials. And there were also a lot of people who, if you weren’t told, you wouldn’t have thought they made it out of 8th grade. NO DEGREE MAKES YOU SMART. Yes, it teaches you things should you choose to learn. This is true. But it doesn’t make you able to handle life. I used to babysit a professor’s kids. He was a reknowned geologist. He was brilliant with rocks. Couldn’t figure how to match his own socks. So. . .

BOTTOM LINE

You need an income. In this day and age you need a heftier income than your parents did. A degree won’t necessarily let you make that income. It might, but there’s no guarantee. So get what you can and stop letting ANYONE make you feel guilty for no college. Hey, you’ll be the one spending your money on the things that mean something to you, NOT paying back student loans.

AND NEVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN FOR NOT BEING COLLEGE-EDUCATED!!!!

EPILOGUE: The Golden Rules of plumbing. . . .

(1) Shit rolls down hill.
(2) Water helps it along.

 

 

What Makes You Feel Like A Failure?

 General, Thoughts  No Responses »
Aug 132022
 

We all feel like failures every now and then. Some of us more than others. But why? We obviously don’t fail at everything we do, even if it’s something like cooking breakfast for ourselves and enjoying it. Win, right? Not necessarily. I’m going to give you some insight into my own failure feelings right here.

I Don’t Set Goals

Why? Because I have never achieved a damn one of them when I’ve finalized it by putting it on paper or computer screen. The minute I do this, I might as well toss the damn thing. I have no idea why. I’ll work towards it. I’ll really REALLY want it. But then I blow it. Self-sabotage? Maybe. Not giving myself enough time? Maybe. There could be a lot of reasons but now? I’m so petrified of setting a goal and failing once again that I won’t even try setting a new goal. This makes me feel like a failure.

I Give Up Too Easily On Too Many Things

I am a very dedicated person. . . in my head. But in practice? Different story. If something is hard for me, like working out, I’ll find a million and one ways not to do it for a very valid reason. I’m currently on an exercise program (dance & stationary bike) that I kinda sorta stick to, but it’s a first. I don’t think I’ve ever made it past 30 days on anything else in my life. I’ve had over 30 surgeries in my life and I’ve gotten sensitized to pain. If something hurts, that’s it. I stop. I could push through a lot of it, but I don’t. This makes me feel like a failure.

I Get Overwhelmed Too Easily

There are simply too many choices in today’s world. I want to go back to the vanilla, chocolate or strawberry days. I could handle that. But things today come at me too fast and too much. My head literally starts to spin. No, it’s not like “The Exorcist,” but it sure feels that at times. I could handle so much more in my younger days. Why can’t I now? Surely aging can’t take this away from you? Well, maybe a little. But my brain just stops and yells TILT if there are too many things to consider and handle. I should be able to do it. So why can’t I? This makes me feel like a failure.

It’s How I See Me

When I voice these things I often hear, “Hey Carla, that’s not you. You’re one of the most together people I know.” REALLY? Doesn’t look like that from where I sit. I wish I could see what you see. Most of the time, though. . . all I see is a failure.

Workin’ On It

I’m working on this. I’m trying to give myself more time and a little more space. More grace maybe. I had to be super woman for so many years that I think I’m judging myself by an outdated standard. I’m just learning about self-care at this advanced age. I’m learning that I’m worth it. I still don’t feel worth it many days. But I know I am. I just have to convince myself not to lose that feeling.

Your Turn

What makes you feel like a failure? Maybe we can share things and help each other out. I may be good at something you’re not and vice versa.

130 Failure Quotes About Getting Back Up (2022)

Appearance This or That

 General, This or That  No Responses »
Aug 102022
 

One of the reasons I chose Banks Boutique as my clothing company was because they had so many plus sizes. There are a LOT. I often do what I call “doubles,” side-by-side photos to show that these items are available in a wide range of sizes. HOT NEWS 🔥🔥🔥🔥: I have another clothing company that also has beautiful plus sizes, too! But selling isn’t really the point of this blog post or why I do this.

Look at the pic at the bottom of this blog post. Same dress. Left is on a size small; right is on a size 1X. They are both on the appropriate size model to the dress. Which one do you prefer? I’m betting at least 75% of you will say you like the pic of the size small. Why? There are a lot of reasons. Here are just a few.

Conditioning. The advertising industry has done one helluva job in convincing us that smaller is better. Maybe it is. I am NOT part of the fat acceptance movement. I recognize that excess weight exacerbates certain illnesses and causes other problems. I’m not preaching anything like that. But. . . we are conditioned to believe that skinny or at least thin is the way to go. It wasn’t always like this. But we have to deal with the here and now.

Age of Society. The younger our society becomes, research says the preference for thinness increases. Older men like women a bit more zaftig. And I am NOT talking about chubby chasers. But older men seem to like women a bit larger. Younger men like them much thinner. And if they have big boobs on that skinny body, so much the better. HAH! Obviously, my husband is not in the stick skinny camp, but he’s 72.

The Example of Supermodels. I have NOTHING against supermodels. Many of those women are incredibly beautiful. In fact, I’m probably a little bit envious. But unless someone can find me a good deal on a medieval rack at Goodwill, I will never be one. Even when I was smaller, I was still on the short side. And those legs!!!! I’d have to cut off some tall girl’s and run like hell! Suffice it to say that this is not a career path that was EVER open to me. But that’s not really the point. The point is that these beautiful women, who most are naturally tall and thin, are approximately 1-2% of the population (the supermodels and women built like them) and the other 98% of us are attempting to emulate them. Many of us can’t. Oh, we try and try and try. Genetics will cause most of us to fail. It creates disappointment and a forever longing to achieve an unattainable goal. Did you know that the *average* woman in the WORLD is 5’4″ tall, weighs approximately 160 pounds and wears a size 14? Don’t take my (fat) word for it. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

So take another look. Which one do you prefer? It’s okay if you say you prefer the thinner model. You’re allowed to. I don’t prefer either, to be perfectly honest. I think they both look good. It’s taken me a long, long time to say that because, up until recently me, myself and I would ALWAYS pick the thinner model and sneer at the other one with some type of fat insult. I learned that crapola at home, but that’s for another time.

Less Than. . . .Aging

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 082022
 

We all get old. It’s one of those things in life we simply can’t do anything about. So. . . why are you feeling bad about it? I can take a guess or two. Our society puts such a hard emphasis on YOUTH!!!! Girls turning 30 bemoan the loss of their youth. I’m like. . . HUH? Once many women hit 40, they feel they are done for. I wish I could change how they feel, but I can’t. Is this how YOU feel?

GLORIOUS 50

I was told I would never make my 50th birthday. It was the third time I was told to buy the plot and put my affairs in order. But guess what? I’m still here. I was released from the surgeon the night before my 50th birthday and I went around screaming, “I’M 50!!!!” at anyone who would listen. LOL And then, I think, they were ready to call the men in the little white coats. My 50s turned into the best decade of my life. I was stronger than I’ve ever been. I could move without (much) pain. I attempted things I’d never done before. I was rockin’ and rollin’ up until. . .

60 SUCKED

I turned 60. I swear, the Old Age Fairy smacked me hard upside my head with her wand. All of a sudden, I looked 10 years older and felt 20 years older. Things went downhill at a rapid pace. I had aches and pains in places I never knew I had places. My skin went south. It was like being dumped into old age without a parachute. I was totally miserable. What to do?

FIGHT BACK!

It wasn’t until the last year or two that I am finally coming into ME, the person I was meant to be. I’ll be 70 in a couple of months and I admit that’s making me sit up and take notice. People say, “When we’re older we’ll do this” or “When we’re old, we’ll do that.” Well, I’m OLD NOW. If I’m gonna do it, I better do it. If not now, when?

This is the first year. . . the FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 70 YEARS. . . I’ve dressed trendy. Oh, I always dressed nice even if all I had was one blouse and one skirt. But this year I’m hittin’ the trends. And guess what? I’m wearing crop tops, too. SHOCK, HORROR, GASP!!!! Yeah, there’s a bit of Jabba the Gut hanging out. Don’t like it? Look the other way. 😈

CAN’T CHANGE IT SO. . .

Enjoy it!!!! You have wisdom, you have knowledge, you have more kindness and compassion (at least I hope you do) than we see in the world today. Put it out there! Someone needs it. Smile even if they don’t smile back. Offer to help someone. Trust me when I say that will help you more. Volunteer. My Grandmom lived into her 90s. She used to volunteer at a nursing home helping to feed people younger than she was. She used to scream about it all the time, too, about the old farts who couldn’t feed themselves. But back she went. . . why? Because she knew they needed the help and she was fortunate not to. You are NOT less than because you are old. As Miss Clairol used to say. . . “We’re not getting older, we’re getting BETTER!!!!” Believe it. WHY?

Because it’s true. 😎

 Older Entries