Less Than. . . .No Soulmate

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 182022
 

This one is hard for me as I met my husband almost 54 years ago and we’ve been married for 50 years the end of this month. I never planned for that, actually. I fully intended to be an old spinster with a long gray braid down my back in a shack on the beach. Didn’t happen that way. But if you feel less than because you haven’t found that perfect person or you found him/her several times and are single once more, read on.

History

The world teaches that we need to be paired up. Why? It seems like it’s always been that way. I think in the old days it was more for procreation than anything else. You were expected to find a mate and create the next generation. History is replete with famous couples. Tristan and Isolde. Edward III and Philippa of Hainault. (Can you tell who’s the history buff here? LOL) Moving to modern day. . . Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And the list goes on. You’d actually be surprised at how many people have been married  50 years or more. Is it nice? Sure. Is it necessary? No.

Since the quote, unquote “sexual revolution” of the 1960s, things have been steadily changing. Women started coming into their own. They were getting better educations and better jobs. And with all that bra burning came the notion that maybe they didn’t need a man like they thought they did. Women got hit with the realization that they could be okay on their own. Same goes for same sex attractions. Many folks who are wired that way thought they were destined to be alone forever. Not in today’s world.

But I’m Lonely

I know. The need for human companionship is universal. Friends are nice. We all need them. Family gatherings can be nice. (Depends on your family LOL) But there seems to be a yearning for that one person that we can bare it all with. I’m talking your soul here, not your butt. I would venture a guess to say 98% of us have a soulmate-sized hole they are trying to fill.

I Failed; I’m Broken

I have many, many friends who are divorced. Hey, let’s be honest here. Shit happens. It happens a lot. And I don’t expect anybody to stay in an abusive relationship. In my not so humble opinion, once a relationship gets to that point your best bet is to get the hell out. If you did get out of this type of relationship you definitely have not failed. You may be broken, but you succeeded in saving yourself and, in many cases, your children. And I DO believe feelings change over time. Some folks just don’t feel the way they did when they made those vows oh so long ago.

Let’s be real here. Not everybody gets the right person on the first try. . . or the second, the third or. . . I met my husband young. I married him 4 years later. We’ve stayed together a long, long time, but was it easy? HELL NO! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I know a few folks on fourth marriages who are finally happy. I say big congrats!!!!

You most likely didn’t fail and you’re certainly not broken if you’re alone. You’re just being cautious. Or maybe this works better for you.

So What Do I Do?

If you are single, I think the answer to that question is the mission statement of this blog, to become the best YOU you can right now! Make yourself happy. No, it won’t take the place of a significant other. It won’t automatically make you deleriously happy. But I feel it will do you good. And if Prince Charming DOES come along, you’ll be better able to recognize that fact and roll with it. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

If you’re damned and determined to find a mate, then work at it. Make lots of friendships. Get involved in a church if that’s your bent. Go to social events in your area. Ask your friends if they have any recommendations for you, like, “Hey, I know the perfect SO for you!!!!”

I’m hesitant to recommend online dating services as they have a lot of problems and inherent dangers. And I say this knowing probably at least 20 couples who met through these sites and have been deleriously happy for years. I’ll just say be careful.

And if you want to stay alone, pull a Nike and JUSST DO IT!!!! There’s nothing wrong with being your own household. Many people aren’t comfortable with themselves only, but many are. If you are one of those, don’t be pressured by society or parents into thinking you have to have a mate. You don’t. The choice should be up to YOU. If you want that soulmate, go find them. If you don’t, no problem.

BOTTOM LINE

You are not less than because you’re single. Stop waiting. If you want to buy a house and have the wherewithal to do it, GO BUY IT. Alone. Yes, you can. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself to that movie you want to see or go with friends. If you want to take a vacation, go alone or go with a friend. Just be careful. Whatever you can do with a mate you can do without one. Just stop waiting. You are fine just the way you are.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! (And if that means you are enough ALONE, so be it!!!! 💚)

Acknowledge Your (Perceived) Faults

 General, Good Advice  No Responses »
Aug 042022
 

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror, crying and thinking nothing about you is the way it should be? It’s just not right. Have you cursed your thin lips or big boobs or skinny legs with accompanying knobby knees? If you have, I’ve got some good advice for you. I wish I could take credit for it, but I can’t. I can tell you where I got it, though.

I’ve been following You Tubers who show off clothing hauls to lean how to dress and as part of my self-development. I found a few girls who are built almost like me and I watch them to see how different styles look on them. I can drool over a dress on one of the websites, but it’s not gonna look the same on my short 14-16 arse as it does on the size 2 model. So I like looking at real life models who mimic my build.

One of those gals I happened upon who is NOT built like me (but I stayed with her) is a wonderful stylist named Alisha. She has a You Tube channel called Ten Ways To Wear It. She takes a piece or a style and gives you lots of styling options. I absolutely love the way she puts outfits together! Alisha is one of the most stylish gals I’ve ever seen!!!! So one day I was looking for something to listen to and she was doing a Vlog where she was on a beach, I think, and she gave out some advice on self-confidence. One of the things she said damn near knocked me over. She said, “Acknowledge your faults so no one can use them against you.” My life has never been quite the same since those words hit my ears. So I’m gonna get it out there for me, top to bottom. And make sure you go follow Alisha. I’ve linked her at the beginning of the paragraph.

Lousy Hair/No Eyebrows

When my hair fell out, my eyebrows went with them. My hair is growing back. The brows are being stubborn. Eyebrows frame your face. My face has no frame unless I draw or temp tattoo one on.

Fine Lines and Wrinkles

My face has lined with age. You may not be there yet but, trust me, yours will, too, in time. TAKE CARE OF IT NOW!!!! I always took care of my skin or it would be much worse. I’d look like one of those chicks in my generation who worshiped the sun with nothing but baby oil and now looks like they need a good ironing.

Big Nose

My father’s family has big schnozzes. Not much I can do about it. And as we age, they get larger and the pores get bigger. Oh joy! I’m working on those pores.

Thin Lips

My lips were never very plump and sensual but age has taken most of what I had away. I’m very careful with lipstick application, using mostly gloss. And as far as hot, sexy red lips go. . . nope. I look like a vampire on a binge. UGH

Flying Squirrel Arms

Sadly, my upper arms are BIG. . . you know, the kind that are still waving at you long after you’re out of the county? I’ve learned some poses to kinda tuck them in, but. . . yuck. I know gals who have had their arms surgically corrected. According to them, it’s SUPER painful and SUPER expensive. So, sadly, Rocky will be flying on.

Short fingers

At the end of those flying squirrel arms are short fingers. I have relatively small hands, but those stubby fingers. . . and I don’t function well with really long nails to extend the look. This is one of those that I can’t do much about.

Jabba the Gut

I was always a thick rectangle shape with not much of a waisted line. But after a lot of trouble resulting in around 30 abdominal surgeries, Jabba is just not on Tatooine. And on one of the last surgeries they removed my stomach muscles due to MRSA. I can’t even suck it in, so I’ve learned ways to hide it.

Short Legs

I have REALLY short legs. I have a long body, but short legs. My inseam is even way shorter than most petites. My husband and I are 14″ apart in height and it’s all in the legs as we’re just about the same length from shoulder to hip.

Big Feet

Don’t ask how I’m barely 5′ tall and wear a size 9 to 9.5 shoe. My Grandmom wore a 5. 5 and my mom a 6. My sister and I both wear around a size 9 and we’re both short. Go figure. To quote my mother, at least I won’t tip over in a wind storm.

So There You Have It

The things I don’t like and wish I could change. I can’t change most of them, but guess what? It’s all right. Once I catalogued them, I knew I could deal with them and others’ criticisms of them. When people said things before, I went home and cried. If you say something now, you’re liable to get a smile or a big eff you, depending on my mood. Just Don’t. And that goes for anyone. Appearance is simply packaging. More on that to come later.

YOUR TURN!!!!

You don’t have to do it in a blog or even out loud. But if you know what you perceive as your faults, no one can use them against you ever again. 💚💚💚💚

This Is Me (sung by the magnificent Keala Settle!)