Less Than. . . . Fear Of Photographs

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 292022
 

Do you feel like you don’t measure up because you take a lousy photo? Don’t laugh. It’s a real thing. In my case, my mother used to chase me out of the pics because she said I ruined them. So I got very wary every time I saw a camera and ran like hell. I mean, hey, I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s pics with my ugly face, right? I missed out on a lot.

It’s not just me. Do you know how on FB groups they call for photos or selfies? If you open the stream, there will invariably be a handful of people who just say something and never post a pic. And then you see pics of people you recognize, but don’t know. Why? They snagged that pic from somewhere else. Because this problem is near and dear to my heart, I started really thinking about it and I came up with three things I think play heavily into this phobia of avoiding the camera. If you have other reasons to be camera-shy, please leave me a comment, K?

You Feel You Don’t Measure Up

Don’t measure up to who or what? What society thinks is acceptable, in most cases. And maybe it’s not society. Maybe it’s you. In our now-visual world we look at pics of the “beautiful people” day after day after day. Surely, I don’t look like that? Well, you’re probably right. The majority of us don’t. But day after day of photoshopped pics, figures improved with surgeries and professional makeup have given us a big inferiority complex. So no pics. Surely nobody wants to look at me, right?

You Have A Vision In Your Head Of What You Look Like And It’s Not What You See On Camera

They say the camera doesn’t lie. Yeah, in a way, but I kinda sorta disagree. The camera will show you every line and wrinkle, every strange expression and. . . oh yeah, don’t forget those 10 extra pounds. But unless you allow it, it can’t capture your personality. It’s a cold hard thing in someone’s (hopefully) capable hands. This is why GOOD professional photographers can command their price. They know how to work their instrument to bring out your personal best. It’s a gift. But if your friend wants pics on her smartphone and you run, you need to re-evaluate the situation. And guess what? You may have a vision in your head of what you look like, but that vision may be wrong! People say they view the world through rose-colored glasses. But for many, we view who we see in the mirror with 💩-colored glasses.

You Don’t Want A *Bad* Pic Of You Out There In Cyberspace So You Don’t Take Any

Do you remember that big brouhaha where Khloe Kardashian had a world-class meltdown over a pic of herself someone released without the photoshop treatment? I thought it was a beautiful, natural pic. She went off. Big time. Take this as a prime example of what you see is not exactly what you get. In Khloe’s case, she didn’t want this one pic marring her brand. It didn’t look like the rest of her super glamorous (and photoshopped) pics. Today’s world is 95% illusion. But people don’t see that. All they see is beautiful people. And since we know we can’t get a decent pic that meets our exhausting specs, we simply don’t take any.

Some Ways To Help

(1 ) Start with group pics. If you have to, at first, hide parts of you behind someone else. If you don’t mind your head, but feel your body isn’t right, then duck behind someone and stick your beautiful head up. Eventually start adding a little bit more of you in the pics until you can get your whole body in there. If this takes a year, two years, whatever, so be it. But you WILL do it.

(2) Use your phone and practice selfies. Do it alone. If you hate every single pic, nobody has to know. DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. Ain’t digital photography grand? My husband will take 50-100 shots of me modeling clothes and then watch me delete every damned one as I say, “Let’s do it again.” I need to be able to post a pic that I don’t find objectionable and won’t make me click out of my newsfeed when I see it. So if you take a gazillion pics to get ONE, hey, you’ve got ONE. I remember talking to a professional photographer who told me she took at least 500 shots to get maybe 5 or 10 she thought useable.

(3) Wear the clothes and makeup that make you feel your best. If you’re all gussied up in the bridesmaid’s dress you wore for your cousin’s wedding and you hate it, it will show in the pics. If you’re at your best in a tee shirt and jeans, put those on. Make it your FAVORITE tee and your most COMFY pair of jeans. No sense adding more stress to an already stressful situation. And then shoot away! If you don’t want anyone around, set up a tripod with your phone on it, set the framing you need/want and then work the hell out of that 10-second timer as you become your own photographer.

(4) Put some music on. If you like relaxation music or what I think You Tube lists as “study music,” use that. If you like heavy metal, put on some Anthrax or Metallica. If you like country, you have lots and lots of choices. Me? I have a Credence Clearwater playlist on Spotify. I put the music on the iPad and shoot with the iPhone. And even though this method guarantees me some fun as I dance around like a loon, it doesn’t guarantee I’ll like the pics. But it does guarantee that camera will get less scary if I have fun with it.

And In The End

Photographs. The bane of my existence for over 50 years. The bane of many in our visual world who feel they don’t measure up. Let me tell you something. YOU DO MEASURE UP!!!! You are you and you are enough. You look like YOU. Nobody else does. So why are you making the world miss out on your specialness? You don’t have to. And remember. . . digital photography. You can delete every pic you hate, even if the numbers are astronomical. 😎

One last thought. Someday, all your loved ones may have are photographs. Make sure there are at least a few for them to smile over. 💕

Appearance, Appearance, Appearance

 General, Good Advice, Minor Rant  No Responses »
Aug 252022
 

The real estate world says the #1 rule for the desirability of a property is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Well, if you haven’t already figured it out, much of what you can get in our superficial society is based on APPEARANCE, APPEARANCE, APPEARANCE.

This is NOT me pushing my appearance insecurities onto you. Nope. They have studies. If you look hot (male or female), your You Tube, Instagram, Tik Tok channel or what have you will grow at an exponential rate over those of us who don’t look like what society calls hot, attractive, gorgeous, sexy or any other word of your choice.  It’s just a fact of life.

Oh, there is one other way to succeed over us mere mortals and that’s to have something really unique, some shtick that you can use to market your goods or photos or whatever. It has to be REALLY different, though, as so much has been tried already. And if you are not what society calls HOT, you can bet your successful channel will be filled with haters who love to pick on people for their appearance. If you have something really new and different and this doesn’t bother you, go for it!!!!

Judged

But back to appearance. We are all judged on it. What’s the first thing someone sees when they meet you? I wish I could say it was your heart, your inner beauty, your good intentions, your kindness. . . all of that. But it’s not. It’s what you look like. If the person meeting you is a good person, then what you look like shouldn’t matte. It does. Trust me on this one. When you meet me, you see a chubby old lady who is not pretty and has shitty hair. I am NOT downing myself; I’m just being honest.

Why Does It Matter So Much?

I wish I had a good answer for you. The younger the generations get, the more appearance seems to matter. I’m not picking on the Kardashians, honest, but what do they have to offer except for (enhanced) T&A? They put on a good show of being a “normal” family, but they are, in fact, further from that truth than most. So what makes them appealing? LOOKS. Pure and simple. Okay, okay. Add in a VERY smart momager in Kris Jenner. She knew how to market those looks into a gazillion dollar empire. But except for looks, what have any of them done to help mankind? If you know of something, please leave it in comments. I would like to hear it. And I’m not saying you have to do things for mankind either. I’m just saying that there should be something more to people than a face or a massive booty.

Fueled by the Makeup & Fashion Industries

Now it’s not ALL makeup & fashion, but those industries really push this need to be like a Kardashian or a movie star or now like an influencer. Either that or. . . you don’t matter. Women go broke buying makeup and clothing to enhance what they have naturally. And if it’s not much, you’re gonna be buying a LOT of it. Don’t believe me? Go to You Tube and put makeup influencer in the search box. You will get hundreds if not thousands, all teaching you how to sculpt that face into something society approves of. And people are buying the products they push, whether or not they know that the person on screen will make money off of it. It’s sales, folks. Just sales. Consequently, most makeup and clothing companies are booming in an economy that is not too friendly to us everyday people.

So What Do You Do?

I honestly don’t know except find a look YOU like and go with that. Some of us will never be beautiful or have bodies that are the stuff of mens’ dreams. Be the best YOU out there. There are no others just like YOU. Why copy someone else? To be accepted? I’m not so sure how satisfying that is in the end, despite it being the thing to do these days. I’m me. I can’t be a Kardashian or a Taylor Swift no matter how hard I try. So do I let it depress me? I used to. (Yeah, I was just as guilty as everyone else.) But not now. I just do the best I can at being ME. And if I’m judged on that appearance, as I know I am, so be it. I’m done trying to be somebody else.

NOW GO OUT AND BE YOU!!!! FIGHT BACK!!! YOU ARE ENOUGH RIGHT NOW!!!!

Less Than. . . . Social Media Jealousy

 General, Less Than  2 Responses »
Aug 222022
 

Social Media. It’s sure changed our lives. I’ve been around a long time and this is like a juggernaut no one can stop or even kick into slow gear. I mean, hey, I was married by the time that first Atari ping-pong ball flew over the net. I remember what it was like before. Maybe not as good in many ways, but maybe better in others. And I know some of you don’t even remember a time before you had a phone in your hand. That’s okay, too, but you have to learn that a lot of it may or may not be real.

Does Jealousy Rear Its Ugly Head?

Are you jealous of everyone and everything you see on Social Media? Do all those great stories of happy families, beautiful clothes, new boats and new homes you see day after day in your news feed make you feel like you’re not worthy? You’re eating a PB&J sandwich for lunch as you see a friend at a restaurant eating something you love but can’t afford. Do you think everyone gets everything EXCEPT YOU? This is a really destructive mindset. Destructive for YOU. Trust me when I say the posters don’t care.

The Age of Fakers

People fake things all the time. You know that anyone can take or snag a pic and post anything they want. Look at the influencers on FB and Instagram. Can we spell P-H-O-T-S-H-O-P, boys and girls? I’m sure there are other programs out there, too, to make them look what society thinks of as perfect. Now if you know people personally, you may be able to figure out what’s real and what’s not. But if it’s someone you’ve admired or just friended on FB, Twitter or other Social Media or you’re fangirling someone on the Gram. . . well, you’re not sure what to think. And if it’s always lollipops and roses day after day, it can make you feel depressed since it’s not happening that way for you. Sure, the hottie and everything about them looks good. In fact, it looks damn fine. Just remember, you can stand in a garage and that don’t make you a car!!!!

Example.  I can get a dupe of a designer outfit for maybe $59 on Amazon, take a drive and stand in front of someone’s million-dollar home, snap some pics and then photoshop my body into what the world wants to see. Does that make it real? NO. HELL NO!!!! But when you come across that shot on my Instagram, you think it’s real and you feel bad cause it ain’t you. Meanwhile, that person collects her/his money for the shots and goes back to that small apartment eating PB&J. You’ve been taken, my friend.

Are You Focused on Money and Things?

If you’re focused on money and things it’s easier to get discouraged when you don’t have one or both. And I DO understand that with today’s current prices it’s easy to be fixated on money. You need it. And you need more of it to live today than you did last year. This is one of my personal demons. I wage war with it daily. And, yes, everything IS about looks in our superficial society. But not all of them look that way or have that much money or that many things. (See Example Above)

So What Do You Do To Get Unjealous?

Different strokes for different folks. I would say the best solution is to limit your time on social media. I know, I know. Much easier said than done. But still. . . it’s the easiest and cheapest solution. And if there is an account that makes you feel particularly bad, delete it, block it, do whatever you have to do to avoid looking at it. You don’t need to feel that sadness and jealousy. It won’t do you any good.

Try getting a handle on yourself. Narrow it down. Do you know why you’re jealous? I mean, REALLY why. In my case, it’s because I know I can never look like some of these folks even with a body transplant. Things don’t mean all that much to me. But if they do to you, you may have some serious work to do on yourself. God forbid you drop on the street tomorrow, all the nice things in the world won’t help. I am NOT judging you. I like nice things as much as the next guy, but I can do without them.

Try to appreciate what you already have. I know for some of you that’s not much, but see what you can do here. Something like, “Oh, that bed in that shot is GORGEOUS, but my own bed is super comfy and snuggles me every night.” If this doesn’t work and you NEED new furniture, maybe pick up a side gig or a second job and start a savings account just for the new furnishings. Just working towards this goal will make you feel better. This works for that extreme cut & color you saw on Ms. Fancy Pants, too. Some of the hair I’ve seen would cost me $500+ to get here and this is NOT a fancy area.

The bottom line here is. . . know that social media is NOT real 95% of the time. It’s a fantasy land even better than Disney’s as Disney’s is fixed in place. This one has infinite variety and possibilities. Folks who have always wanted to be someone now CAN. Or think they can. (Again, see above Example)

BOTTOM LINE: LOVE YOURSELF!!!! Not everybody else and the car they’re standing in front of. Guess what? It may not be theirs.

 

Take a few minutes to listen to this episode of “True Crime Recaps.”
See where unrequited extreme jealousy can lead.

Less Than. . . .No Soulmate

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 182022
 

This one is hard for me as I met my husband almost 54 years ago and we’ve been married for 50 years the end of this month. I never planned for that, actually. I fully intended to be an old spinster with a long gray braid down my back in a shack on the beach. Didn’t happen that way. But if you feel less than because you haven’t found that perfect person or you found him/her several times and are single once more, read on.

History

The world teaches that we need to be paired up. Why? It seems like it’s always been that way. I think in the old days it was more for procreation than anything else. You were expected to find a mate and create the next generation. History is replete with famous couples. Tristan and Isolde. Edward III and Philippa of Hainault. (Can you tell who’s the history buff here? LOL) Moving to modern day. . . Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. And the list goes on. You’d actually be surprised at how many people have been married  50 years or more. Is it nice? Sure. Is it necessary? No.

Since the quote, unquote “sexual revolution” of the 1960s, things have been steadily changing. Women started coming into their own. They were getting better educations and better jobs. And with all that bra burning came the notion that maybe they didn’t need a man like they thought they did. Women got hit with the realization that they could be okay on their own. Same goes for same sex attractions. Many folks who are wired that way thought they were destined to be alone forever. Not in today’s world.

But I’m Lonely

I know. The need for human companionship is universal. Friends are nice. We all need them. Family gatherings can be nice. (Depends on your family LOL) But there seems to be a yearning for that one person that we can bare it all with. I’m talking your soul here, not your butt. I would venture a guess to say 98% of us have a soulmate-sized hole they are trying to fill.

I Failed; I’m Broken

I have many, many friends who are divorced. Hey, let’s be honest here. Shit happens. It happens a lot. And I don’t expect anybody to stay in an abusive relationship. In my not so humble opinion, once a relationship gets to that point your best bet is to get the hell out. If you did get out of this type of relationship you definitely have not failed. You may be broken, but you succeeded in saving yourself and, in many cases, your children. And I DO believe feelings change over time. Some folks just don’t feel the way they did when they made those vows oh so long ago.

Let’s be real here. Not everybody gets the right person on the first try. . . or the second, the third or. . . I met my husband young. I married him 4 years later. We’ve stayed together a long, long time, but was it easy? HELL NO! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I know a few folks on fourth marriages who are finally happy. I say big congrats!!!!

You most likely didn’t fail and you’re certainly not broken if you’re alone. You’re just being cautious. Or maybe this works better for you.

So What Do I Do?

If you are single, I think the answer to that question is the mission statement of this blog, to become the best YOU you can right now! Make yourself happy. No, it won’t take the place of a significant other. It won’t automatically make you deleriously happy. But I feel it will do you good. And if Prince Charming DOES come along, you’ll be better able to recognize that fact and roll with it. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

If you’re damned and determined to find a mate, then work at it. Make lots of friendships. Get involved in a church if that’s your bent. Go to social events in your area. Ask your friends if they have any recommendations for you, like, “Hey, I know the perfect SO for you!!!!”

I’m hesitant to recommend online dating services as they have a lot of problems and inherent dangers. And I say this knowing probably at least 20 couples who met through these sites and have been deleriously happy for years. I’ll just say be careful.

And if you want to stay alone, pull a Nike and JUSST DO IT!!!! There’s nothing wrong with being your own household. Many people aren’t comfortable with themselves only, but many are. If you are one of those, don’t be pressured by society or parents into thinking you have to have a mate. You don’t. The choice should be up to YOU. If you want that soulmate, go find them. If you don’t, no problem.

BOTTOM LINE

You are not less than because you’re single. Stop waiting. If you want to buy a house and have the wherewithal to do it, GO BUY IT. Alone. Yes, you can. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself to that movie you want to see or go with friends. If you want to take a vacation, go alone or go with a friend. Just be careful. Whatever you can do with a mate you can do without one. Just stop waiting. You are fine just the way you are.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! (And if that means you are enough ALONE, so be it!!!! 💚)

Less Than. . . . Education

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 152022
 

Years ago, I had a friend who was a plumber. She had had trouble getting a job and her plumbers’ local thought it would be fun to take on a girl. She found she was good at it. Worked her way through licensing and up the chain of command. Her family laughed at her, too. She was the only non-college grad in her family. She just didn’t think college was for her and she said she was sick of school at that point. So she went with plumbing.

That Was Then, This Is Now

Today she’s making $75-$100/hour plus. She still feels inferior. Why? Her family is still berating her for no degree. They don’t mention that a few of her degreed sibs are working in fast food and retail because they can’t find a job in their field. They point out at every chance they get that she has NO DEGREE, even when they’re asking her to loan them money for this, that and the other thing.

Lots of Degrees Out Of Work

I’ve read study after study about the thousands of degreed individuals who can’t find a job in our current economy. Even lawyers. People have either become much less litigious or there is simply a glut of lawyers out there. And becoming an attorney requires extra years of school. It’s not easy.

And even if you don’t choose the legal route, many these days find they can’t do anything with a Liberal Arts or English degree. And then take something like (my old fave) Archaeology. It’s very selective and there aren’t a lot of jobs.

So Why Not A Trade?

Right now, trades are where the money is. If you can take being a plumber or an electrician or carpenter and have a knack for it. . . why not? It’s damn good money. If you’re young, the locals all have training programs. These are good, union jobs, too. I know kids who barely passed high school, but are cleaning up because they had a knack for a trade and weren’t afraid to go for it.

A Ph.D. Does Not A Smart Peson Make

I used to work for a university, the very one where I got my own schooling. We used to sign the professors on their letters. . . B.S., M.S., Ph.D. We used to say it stood for Bullshit, More Shit, Piled High and Deep. Now there were many brilliant people with those initials. And there were also a lot of people who, if you weren’t told, you wouldn’t have thought they made it out of 8th grade. NO DEGREE MAKES YOU SMART. Yes, it teaches you things should you choose to learn. This is true. But it doesn’t make you able to handle life. I used to babysit a professor’s kids. He was a reknowned geologist. He was brilliant with rocks. Couldn’t figure how to match his own socks. So. . .

BOTTOM LINE

You need an income. In this day and age you need a heftier income than your parents did. A degree won’t necessarily let you make that income. It might, but there’s no guarantee. So get what you can and stop letting ANYONE make you feel guilty for no college. Hey, you’ll be the one spending your money on the things that mean something to you, NOT paying back student loans.

AND NEVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN FOR NOT BEING COLLEGE-EDUCATED!!!!

EPILOGUE: The Golden Rules of plumbing. . . .

(1) Shit rolls down hill.
(2) Water helps it along.

 

 

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