What Makes You Feel Like A Failure?

 General, Thoughts  No Responses »
Aug 132022
 

We all feel like failures every now and then. Some of us more than others. But why? We obviously don’t fail at everything we do, even if it’s something like cooking breakfast for ourselves and enjoying it. Win, right? Not necessarily. I’m going to give you some insight into my own failure feelings right here.

I Don’t Set Goals

Why? Because I have never achieved a damn one of them when I’ve finalized it by putting it on paper or computer screen. The minute I do this, I might as well toss the damn thing. I have no idea why. I’ll work towards it. I’ll really REALLY want it. But then I blow it. Self-sabotage? Maybe. Not giving myself enough time? Maybe. There could be a lot of reasons but now? I’m so petrified of setting a goal and failing once again that I won’t even try setting a new goal. This makes me feel like a failure.

I Give Up Too Easily On Too Many Things

I am a very dedicated person. . . in my head. But in practice? Different story. If something is hard for me, like working out, I’ll find a million and one ways not to do it for a very valid reason. I’m currently on an exercise program (dance & stationary bike) that I kinda sorta stick to, but it’s a first. I don’t think I’ve ever made it past 30 days on anything else in my life. I’ve had over 30 surgeries in my life and I’ve gotten sensitized to pain. If something hurts, that’s it. I stop. I could push through a lot of it, but I don’t. This makes me feel like a failure.

I Get Overwhelmed Too Easily

There are simply too many choices in today’s world. I want to go back to the vanilla, chocolate or strawberry days. I could handle that. But things today come at me too fast and too much. My head literally starts to spin. No, it’s not like “The Exorcist,” but it sure feels that at times. I could handle so much more in my younger days. Why can’t I now? Surely aging can’t take this away from you? Well, maybe a little. But my brain just stops and yells TILT if there are too many things to consider and handle. I should be able to do it. So why can’t I? This makes me feel like a failure.

It’s How I See Me

When I voice these things I often hear, “Hey Carla, that’s not you. You’re one of the most together people I know.” REALLY? Doesn’t look like that from where I sit. I wish I could see what you see. Most of the time, though. . . all I see is a failure.

Workin’ On It

I’m working on this. I’m trying to give myself more time and a little more space. More grace maybe. I had to be super woman for so many years that I think I’m judging myself by an outdated standard. I’m just learning about self-care at this advanced age. I’m learning that I’m worth it. I still don’t feel worth it many days. But I know I am. I just have to convince myself not to lose that feeling.

Your Turn

What makes you feel like a failure? Maybe we can share things and help each other out. I may be good at something you’re not and vice versa.

130 Failure Quotes About Getting Back Up (2022)

Appearance This or That

 General, This or That  No Responses »
Aug 102022
 

One of the reasons I chose Banks Boutique as my clothing company was because they had so many plus sizes. There are a LOT. I often do what I call “doubles,” side-by-side photos to show that these items are available in a wide range of sizes. HOT NEWS 🔥🔥🔥🔥: I have another clothing company that also has beautiful plus sizes, too! But selling isn’t really the point of this blog post or why I do this.

Look at the pic at the bottom of this blog post. Same dress. Left is on a size small; right is on a size 1X. They are both on the appropriate size model to the dress. Which one do you prefer? I’m betting at least 75% of you will say you like the pic of the size small. Why? There are a lot of reasons. Here are just a few.

Conditioning. The advertising industry has done one helluva job in convincing us that smaller is better. Maybe it is. I am NOT part of the fat acceptance movement. I recognize that excess weight exacerbates certain illnesses and causes other problems. I’m not preaching anything like that. But. . . we are conditioned to believe that skinny or at least thin is the way to go. It wasn’t always like this. But we have to deal with the here and now.

Age of Society. The younger our society becomes, research says the preference for thinness increases. Older men like women a bit more zaftig. And I am NOT talking about chubby chasers. But older men seem to like women a bit larger. Younger men like them much thinner. And if they have big boobs on that skinny body, so much the better. HAH! Obviously, my husband is not in the stick skinny camp, but he’s 72.

The Example of Supermodels. I have NOTHING against supermodels. Many of those women are incredibly beautiful. In fact, I’m probably a little bit envious. But unless someone can find me a good deal on a medieval rack at Goodwill, I will never be one. Even when I was smaller, I was still on the short side. And those legs!!!! I’d have to cut off some tall girl’s and run like hell! Suffice it to say that this is not a career path that was EVER open to me. But that’s not really the point. The point is that these beautiful women, who most are naturally tall and thin, are approximately 1-2% of the population (the supermodels and women built like them) and the other 98% of us are attempting to emulate them. Many of us can’t. Oh, we try and try and try. Genetics will cause most of us to fail. It creates disappointment and a forever longing to achieve an unattainable goal. Did you know that the *average* woman in the WORLD is 5’4″ tall, weighs approximately 160 pounds and wears a size 14? Don’t take my (fat) word for it. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

So take another look. Which one do you prefer? It’s okay if you say you prefer the thinner model. You’re allowed to. I don’t prefer either, to be perfectly honest. I think they both look good. It’s taken me a long, long time to say that because, up until recently me, myself and I would ALWAYS pick the thinner model and sneer at the other one with some type of fat insult. I learned that crapola at home, but that’s for another time.

Less Than. . . .Aging

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 082022
 

We all get old. It’s one of those things in life we simply can’t do anything about. So. . . why are you feeling bad about it? I can take a guess or two. Our society puts such a hard emphasis on YOUTH!!!! Girls turning 30 bemoan the loss of their youth. I’m like. . . HUH? Once many women hit 40, they feel they are done for. I wish I could change how they feel, but I can’t. Is this how YOU feel?

GLORIOUS 50

I was told I would never make my 50th birthday. It was the third time I was told to buy the plot and put my affairs in order. But guess what? I’m still here. I was released from the surgeon the night before my 50th birthday and I went around screaming, “I’M 50!!!!” at anyone who would listen. LOL And then, I think, they were ready to call the men in the little white coats. My 50s turned into the best decade of my life. I was stronger than I’ve ever been. I could move without (much) pain. I attempted things I’d never done before. I was rockin’ and rollin’ up until. . .

60 SUCKED

I turned 60. I swear, the Old Age Fairy smacked me hard upside my head with her wand. All of a sudden, I looked 10 years older and felt 20 years older. Things went downhill at a rapid pace. I had aches and pains in places I never knew I had places. My skin went south. It was like being dumped into old age without a parachute. I was totally miserable. What to do?

FIGHT BACK!

It wasn’t until the last year or two that I am finally coming into ME, the person I was meant to be. I’ll be 70 in a couple of months and I admit that’s making me sit up and take notice. People say, “When we’re older we’ll do this” or “When we’re old, we’ll do that.” Well, I’m OLD NOW. If I’m gonna do it, I better do it. If not now, when?

This is the first year. . . the FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 70 YEARS. . . I’ve dressed trendy. Oh, I always dressed nice even if all I had was one blouse and one skirt. But this year I’m hittin’ the trends. And guess what? I’m wearing crop tops, too. SHOCK, HORROR, GASP!!!! Yeah, there’s a bit of Jabba the Gut hanging out. Don’t like it? Look the other way. 😈

CAN’T CHANGE IT SO. . .

Enjoy it!!!! You have wisdom, you have knowledge, you have more kindness and compassion (at least I hope you do) than we see in the world today. Put it out there! Someone needs it. Smile even if they don’t smile back. Offer to help someone. Trust me when I say that will help you more. Volunteer. My Grandmom lived into her 90s. She used to volunteer at a nursing home helping to feed people younger than she was. She used to scream about it all the time, too, about the old farts who couldn’t feed themselves. But back she went. . . why? Because she knew they needed the help and she was fortunate not to. You are NOT less than because you are old. As Miss Clairol used to say. . . “We’re not getting older, we’re getting BETTER!!!!” Believe it. WHY?

Because it’s true. 😎

Less Than. . . .Family

 General, Less Than  No Responses »
Aug 082022
 

What do you do when you don’t fit in with your family? I was born into a family of thin folks with stick straight hair. And here came this little chubbo with very curly hair. No problem. She’ll outgrow the fat stage by 3 or 4. Then we can work on that hair! We can wait it out. Then she’ll look just like the rest of us. Didn’t quite happen that way. And that set up a horrible family dynamic.

My Mom Was Delusional

I like to joke that I would have been the first switched-at-birth case if they did that way back when I was born. Except for one damning thing. . . my face was my Dad’s. If it were not for that resemblance, I swear they would have tried to give me away. There was no way he could deny me. In fact, another joke of mine to cover some of that hurt is that if he ever went to court and told the judge I wasn’t his, he would be arrested for murder as the judge would die laughing. But my Dad wasn’t the problem.

My Mom seemed to think she deserved to have beautiful blonde, light-eyed children. . . that was her mother’s coloring. But she had dark hair and eyes, as did her father and my father. Doesn’t bode well for making blonde, light-eyed kids unless you get some recessive genes whooping it up in the background. One of us has dark hair and dark eyes. I had dark auburn hair and medium-to-light brown eyes. . . . but they were still brown. Didn’t count. And let’s not forget about those curls that she dutifully tried to stick down at every turn.

A Hurt Kid

So here came my less than childhood. I knew my Mom didn’t like me much. She knew I knew it, too, and it made things awkward. As soon as she figured out I was gonna stay fat, she started dragging me to diet doctor after diet doctor. Obviously, none of it worked. Some of it may be throw-back genetics, but some it was the fact that when I figured out what was going on I sabotaged myself. Yep, I said myself. I thought I was hurting her, but. . . kids don’t think straight, especially when they’re eating cookies under the covers at night.

And Now A Damaged Teen

Somehow I managed to grow up. By my teens, I positively hated my looks and, therefore, myself. I starved myself in high school on a bet from a classmate. I won the money, but I got sick and I only stayed that small for a New York nanosecond. Luckily, I met a man who loved me for ME and not for my pants size. I never believed him. I mean, hey, you have to believe your mother, right? She would NEVER lie to you. But he stuck it out with me. It’ll be 50 years this month.

And Then A Damaged Adult

Did all of this color my perception of life? Oh, hell yeah. My Mom passed when I was 61 and I still believed her right up until she took her last breath. I was fat and ugly. My husband tried to tell me differently, but I believed her and not him. I’ve been fortunate in that something. . . I still don’t know what. . . started changing the way I saw myself. All of a sudden I could look in the mirror and not hate the face staring back at me. I’m still working on that, the total acceptance part. I’m doing a LOT better. Will I make it before the end? Film at 11. . .

Your Turn

This is my story. If you have a reason you don’t fit in with your family and/or they weren’t too kind about it, please talk about it in the comments or in a post. It helps to get it out. How do I know that? Been there/done that/bought many tear-stained shirts.

Last Word

It doesn’t have to be fat. It can be ANYTHING that makes you feel less than. Education, financial circumstances, appearance, marital status. . . . ANYTHING or ALL OF THEM. If you feel you fall into the LESS THAN category, please start working on it NOW. Why? Because. . .

You are enough. . . And you are enough RIGHT NOW!!!!

Acknowledge Your (Perceived) Faults

 General, Good Advice  No Responses »
Aug 042022
 

Have you ever stood in front of a mirror, crying and thinking nothing about you is the way it should be? It’s just not right. Have you cursed your thin lips or big boobs or skinny legs with accompanying knobby knees? If you have, I’ve got some good advice for you. I wish I could take credit for it, but I can’t. I can tell you where I got it, though.

I’ve been following You Tubers who show off clothing hauls to lean how to dress and as part of my self-development. I found a few girls who are built almost like me and I watch them to see how different styles look on them. I can drool over a dress on one of the websites, but it’s not gonna look the same on my short 14-16 arse as it does on the size 2 model. So I like looking at real life models who mimic my build.

One of those gals I happened upon who is NOT built like me (but I stayed with her) is a wonderful stylist named Alisha. She has a You Tube channel called Ten Ways To Wear It. She takes a piece or a style and gives you lots of styling options. I absolutely love the way she puts outfits together! Alisha is one of the most stylish gals I’ve ever seen!!!! So one day I was looking for something to listen to and she was doing a Vlog where she was on a beach, I think, and she gave out some advice on self-confidence. One of the things she said damn near knocked me over. She said, “Acknowledge your faults so no one can use them against you.” My life has never been quite the same since those words hit my ears. So I’m gonna get it out there for me, top to bottom. And make sure you go follow Alisha. I’ve linked her at the beginning of the paragraph.

Lousy Hair/No Eyebrows

When my hair fell out, my eyebrows went with them. My hair is growing back. The brows are being stubborn. Eyebrows frame your face. My face has no frame unless I draw or temp tattoo one on.

Fine Lines and Wrinkles

My face has lined with age. You may not be there yet but, trust me, yours will, too, in time. TAKE CARE OF IT NOW!!!! I always took care of my skin or it would be much worse. I’d look like one of those chicks in my generation who worshiped the sun with nothing but baby oil and now looks like they need a good ironing.

Big Nose

My father’s family has big schnozzes. Not much I can do about it. And as we age, they get larger and the pores get bigger. Oh joy! I’m working on those pores.

Thin Lips

My lips were never very plump and sensual but age has taken most of what I had away. I’m very careful with lipstick application, using mostly gloss. And as far as hot, sexy red lips go. . . nope. I look like a vampire on a binge. UGH

Flying Squirrel Arms

Sadly, my upper arms are BIG. . . you know, the kind that are still waving at you long after you’re out of the county? I’ve learned some poses to kinda tuck them in, but. . . yuck. I know gals who have had their arms surgically corrected. According to them, it’s SUPER painful and SUPER expensive. So, sadly, Rocky will be flying on.

Short fingers

At the end of those flying squirrel arms are short fingers. I have relatively small hands, but those stubby fingers. . . and I don’t function well with really long nails to extend the look. This is one of those that I can’t do much about.

Jabba the Gut

I was always a thick rectangle shape with not much of a waisted line. But after a lot of trouble resulting in around 30 abdominal surgeries, Jabba is just not on Tatooine. And on one of the last surgeries they removed my stomach muscles due to MRSA. I can’t even suck it in, so I’ve learned ways to hide it.

Short Legs

I have REALLY short legs. I have a long body, but short legs. My inseam is even way shorter than most petites. My husband and I are 14″ apart in height and it’s all in the legs as we’re just about the same length from shoulder to hip.

Big Feet

Don’t ask how I’m barely 5′ tall and wear a size 9 to 9.5 shoe. My Grandmom wore a 5. 5 and my mom a 6. My sister and I both wear around a size 9 and we’re both short. Go figure. To quote my mother, at least I won’t tip over in a wind storm.

So There You Have It

The things I don’t like and wish I could change. I can’t change most of them, but guess what? It’s all right. Once I catalogued them, I knew I could deal with them and others’ criticisms of them. When people said things before, I went home and cried. If you say something now, you’re liable to get a smile or a big eff you, depending on my mood. Just Don’t. And that goes for anyone. Appearance is simply packaging. More on that to come later.

YOUR TURN!!!!

You don’t have to do it in a blog or even out loud. But if you know what you perceive as your faults, no one can use them against you ever again. 💚💚💚💚

This Is Me (sung by the magnificent Keala Settle!)

 

 

 

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